Hmm, sort of forgot about this blog.
I've been struggling a bit with different things in my life, job, family, health, relationships, pretty much everything really and I can't really even explain why. I kind of decided the best thing to do in order to help me get through this, would be to become too busy for God and solve it myself.... wrong. I knew it was wrong, but I am pretty stubborn, and God just wasn't being very talkative, or... lets face it, I was being very attentive to his voice and really seeking him. I have never reacted like this before, usually when I am down I am driven closer to God, which I guess is why I was so upset and confused. Not sure where this is going.
We've been reading James a lot, particularly thinking on 1: 3 'because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance'. Thing is, I don't really feel like I have persevered, or had faith, and kep telling myself I must have learnt something, but why can't I see what? Then all these small things keep showing me that actually I never lost faith, and more than that God never left me, even if I felt he did. I looked back, and the occassions during this time when I genuinely sought God in earnest he answered, not always how I expected, but he looked after me. I just didn't want to aknowledge it.
So, back on track, and happy. But how do I motivate myself to throw myslef into God's work when I still seem to be in all the same situations? I heard an amazing sermon at HTB on Sunday by Francis Chan and took away 2 main things:
1) To play simple Simon with Jesus, when Jesus says do something I do it. e.g Jesus said don't lie, so I need to do that, not repeat it to other people, or learn to say it in greek or hebrew thinking that is impressive, just do what Jesus says!
2) Francis explained how someone had described walking along with his Youth Pastor and how people ran to the pastor, how he helped people- the man said it was the closest thing to walking with Jesus he could imagine. Obviously this got me thinking, how can I act in a way where people can see Jesus in the things I do, and say that I am like Jesus. So, believers get more and more like Jesus each day but I want people to see this so they will want it for themselves and it can impact lives for good.
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